Every thought is something that has been said before.
On some days, who I am is different from who I want to be,
And I find myself drowning in self deceit.
As we near the end of this episode,
I find myself begging for more time,
To show more of me.
I fear that I have buried the most important parts,
Under layers and layers of pointless lies,
Under false wisdom in a bid to gain your trust,
And we are no better off now that when we started.
Is it possible to be hurt by a falsehood you already knew?
How could you be so understanding when you are dying inside?
And every day,
I fed myself tiny grapefruits and swallowed the lies whole.
The puzzle is no clearer now than when I first started,
And I can sense the audience laughing.
I was warned not to touch them,
Of course, it's quite impossible to take your own advice.
It's quite possible to drown yourself in pools of melancholy and dysphoria,
Always seeking what you can't have,
Always building sandcastles in the air.
Could I have more borrowed time?
Could I pay off my future debts here and now?
Past mistakes wait for me ahead,
With nothing but time separating us.
It has never been my friend,
I have never had enough.
©May
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