You saw something dark in me,
And shrunk away from it.
You pulled the trigger,
Just because you were scared.
I don't blame you,
I'm scared too.
Scared of this two head beast that hides inside me,
That whispers all night long,
Telling me I'm worthless.
I have shards poking out of my chest,
Fingers dripping blood,
Eyes with tinted lances,
A bullet in my shoulder,
And I can't blame you.
I think my mom hates me.
Am I a disappointment?
I feel like one.
I don't mean to be me,
I don't mean to be so closed off.
I just don't know how to speak.
I'm a song bird with it's beak cut off.
You can still hear my melody,
Close your eyes and listen,
Listen to the memories.
That's where I'm still singing.
Maybe she's worried.
But I still feel like a disappointment.
She hates the color black.
My blood is black,
Tainted by my pained heart.
That I hide behind slammed doors,
And _"I hate you's"_ I never mean.
"I'm sorry"_ I whisper every night I cry myself to sleep.
Why can't I ever say it to her?
"I'm sorry mom,"
"I'm sorry I'm broken."
I'm scared.
I'm scared I'm gonna hurt her,
I've already hurt her.
I'm scared of myself.
Pull the trigger again,
Aim for my heart this time.
There's something dark inside me,
And it needs to die,
Along with me.
Blackbird